From the Onion...right? "For generations, we've viewed spending on our nation's young people as an investment in the future," Snow said. "Unfortunately, investments of this type take a minimum of 18 years to mature, and even then, there's no guarantee of a profit. It's just not good business." Snow compared funneling money into public schools, youth programs, and child health-care clinics to letting the nation's money languish in a low-interest savings account. "This is taxpayer money we're talking about," Snow said. "We can't keep pouring it into slow-growth ventures, speculating on a minuscule payout some time in the future. Federal expenditures are recouped when a child grows up and becomes a productive, taxpaying member of society. But we don't see a sizable return on our investment unless a child invents something profitable, or cures a costly disease, like cancer. The wisdom of making such long-range, long-shot investments is questionable at best, especially when you consider inflation. America would do better to invest in profitable business ventures. It's just that simple."